Eye-gouging and elbows

Singapore felt extraordinarily safe and I never thought twice about catching public transport home late at night. Sure, bad things did happen but as the local news rarely reported anything more serious than a handbag theft, you had a rather unrealistic sense of safety.

But particularly now that I’m walking home in the dark along dimly-lit streets while the media goes into a frenzy every time something goes bump in the night, my thoughts have turned to personal safety. How safe is Melbourne?

I’d always said that if I had a daughter, I’d get her involved in some sort of martial art so that if she was attacked or confronted in any way, she’d have some skills to try and fight her way out of the situation. She started karate two years ago, and we’ve found an excellent dojo in Melbourne to continue her training. Rightly or wrongly, I enrolled the boys in as well and I’m dreading the day they use their new-found skills in daily squabbles. But, I’m hoping that anything they learn will reduce their risk of becoming a victim.

With that in mind, I jumped at the opportunity to take part in the Female Urban Combat course that Samurai Karate were offering in my area. Sensei Paul Mitchell has been running self-defence courses for women in Australia for over 33 years. He runs them free-of-charge and is passionate about empowering women to defend themselves. Donations raised on the day went directly to support White Ribbon.

The emphasis of his training was not just to teach you how to survive a dangerous situation, but how to avoid getting into that situation in the first place.

We spent an enjoyable day learning how to punch, kick, elbow and eye-gouge along with safety techniques for day-to-day situations. Travelling on public transport, approaching your car in a car park – even walking down a crowded street should require a high level of awareness of your surroundings and Sensei Paul taught us well. He made it crystal clear that simple, everyday things that we do – like being plugged into your phone while you’re walking, or wearing your backpack properly on both shoulders – will significantly increase your risk of becoming a victim.

I can’t thank Sensei Paul and his team of volunteers enough for the skills he’s shown me. I hope I never need to use the direct conflict techniques but have definitely taken onboard the other skills he spoke about.

The course is open to females aged 15 and over and it’s a day that every women should experience. I urge you to  register online and find out where his next course will be.

Stay safe.

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And then the bubble burst

It was just a matter of time, really. Everything had been ticking along really well, so it was a bit of a shock when the kids fell to pieces within days of each other.

We’ve been talking openly about the move, about leaving Singapore, about how they were coping and everything seemed rosy, but all it takes is a playground incident, a photo, and what they’ve left behind comes flooding right back.

For H, it was the school camp. She was really excited about going to Phillip Island…until the night before.

“Why are you making me go? No-one ever goes on camp after being at school for only one week!” She burst into tears and no amount of reassurance could calm her down. And we understood – it was completely reasonable for her to feel nervous about a trip away with complete strangers so soon after starting a new school in what is mostly for a her, a foreign country.

We chose not to point out it had been her choice to go on the camp but instead tackled the task of finding out what had caused the emotional outburst. Eventually we figured out that she was worried about no-one wanting to sit next to her on the bus. That – and the memory of the camp she’d been on earlier this year with her Singapore buddies – was weighing heavily on her mind.

For T, it was Monday at school. His little mate was away and although he’d played with some of the other kids too, they decided he was ‘too tall’ to play and excluded him from their games. Luckily H saw how upset he was in the playground and looked after him, but his confidence had taken a massive hit.

When he came home that afternoon, he was really sad. “I just want my friends back…” he sobbed. “They don’t care that I’m tall.” OK, swallow that lump, blink rapidly and try not to think of how you’ve emotionally scarred your children by moving – again – while explaining that things will get better in time…

But the one that really threw me was S. When they’re so young, you think that they’ll just roll with the move and it won’t affect them too much, but once again I was proven wrong.

Out of the blue one morning, S became quite distraught and he came over for a hug.

“I miss school,” he cried. “I want Miss M and Miss K.” And then he rattled off the list of kids in his class. “I want to go there now!”

S had rarely mentioned Singapore in the whole time we’ve been back, and quite simply, appeared happy just to have the backyard and a few catchups with his little friend E. But obviously he’s thinking a lot but probably doesn’t have the vocabulary to verbalise what’s he’s feeling. And it was harder to explain to him why we couldn’t just ‘go back’ and see everyone – he clearly has no concept of time and distance!

Anyway, fast-forward a few days – H had a great time at camp and  she made a few new friends; T’s mate was back on Tuesday and all was well in his world again; and S had a playdate with E and was happy.

I know there’ll be more rough patches ahead as they try to fit in, but as we keep telling them, each day will get a little easier. And like all our other relocations, it’s just going to take a bit of time.